host a comedy night?

all i want is someone to host a comedy night.
are there people out there who are funny?

let's start with an easy joke: so, i was reading in US weekly......
it seems (fill in the blank_________ brangelina) wants some privacy.
so, they're moving to paris....mmmmmmm

then there's the traveling comic joke:
so, i just flew into (fill in the blank____________la guar- di-a airport). it took me
40 minutes to get her from the airport (HEY!HA! HEY!)

comics are the worst audience. they don't laugh, they don't drink, and they won't leave!!
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