in the time of jesus??? short script 1

twocancook

INTRODUCTION:
author:
easter .....mmmm well i sometimes wonder
what was it like in the
TIME OF JESUS/???????

that italian film maker...pasolini? i think that's his name...he made a few visually eye- opening movies, set in historical times....his jesus film (st matthew??) was actually filmed in the north aftican dessert, and parts of arid southern italy, with the local, illiterate town's people...toothless, salt of the earth types...as actors....

Narrator:
jesus walks on water. have him walking in shallow lowtide, shoot the angle so you just see the sun reflecting on the water. you can't tell how shallow it is. just beyond him, in deeper water, are his disciples, fishermen, is a low primitive wooden boat...

Author:
i want to write something interesting and provocative for an easter play???
Narrator:
sometimes the truth is best. ..........
get a bible. have jesus dude read from it. wash someone's feet. go barefoot. mary magdalene attemps to seduce him.
maybe magdalene is his closest apostle and the men resent her.???
(ENDINTRODUCTION)
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SCENE 1: A FISHING VILLAGE. MAGDALENA AND JESUS DUDE HANG; SHE IS WASHING HIS FEET. he is holding a gun.

MAGDALENA:hey dude? you getting cold? you've been out on the water all day.

no we won't eat fish tonight.
i'm tired of fish, you're tired of fish. i got some fowl at the market....
i did a little side job today...no it wasn't horrible;but he wasn't my favorite client.
what do you think of my newbusiness card?
body work
massage therapist
esthetician
make up artist
skin care products

do you think that's too much? or should i list all my jobs??
you never know....i'd hate to miss a job....???

jesusdude: magadalena.....how i wish you could understand italian?? i could sing to you, recite poetry, tell youabout my ancestors....remember when you asked me if i was cold...i was out all day on the water....
the boys said i walked on water....apparently i've been doing that a lot lately....but i can't tell you just what i experienced when i was out there...
the words were in italian.....i go into a trance, everything is clear....i want to touch his hand but he won't let me....

i don't tell this to the boys. they only see what i do.
miracles? i'm auditioning for the circus, that's what they think.
but the words, the words tell me something else...but even now i don't know what they mean....only then, i THINK they are in italian.....i understand it all when i'm out there , on the water....but i can't tell you now.
i don't even speak italian

mary: well let's get you warm, eat this fowl....i made a soup...so you can get some rest and be back out there tomorrow....
dude: magdalena, i love that name. do you think the cops will drive us off this surf beach?
mary: i hope not, you boys wouldn't be the same if you couldn't get out there everyday
dude: remember when we were younger and we used to travel. .......
my grandfather was from cuba;.......my father used to go to cuba......and there was that jack
kerouac reference.

NARRATOR:jesus dude eats his supper. magdalena washes his feet with hot towels she has prepared, then rubs them firmly with warm oil.

END SCENE1
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SCENE 2: TODAY'S SPECIAL: CHILI

Jesus: my grandfather was from cuba. my father spent the 50's...in cuba.
i want to know more about my father. what he did in cuba....sure, he had fun...

Author: i was from an old mill town.
jack kerouac was from my area.
i was at college. my eyes opened wide.
WOW! jack kerouac was from my area!

Jesus: where are you from? i'm from haverhill.
(stranger hits him in chest)
Stranger: ME, TOO!
Jesus: i don't believe him....no, really?
those were my first buddies at this beach. we couldn't believe it: we looked at each other with disbelief: you're from my area??????
Hometown, really???

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Narrator:
more notes;
jesus was a waiter.
the rural people, those who killed jesus, were like the characters in "king of the hill."

jesus:"how was the chili, sir?"
american/christian:the chili/ well it wasn't meaty. it wasn't thick. and it had too much beans....the portions were small, but i understand it's bistro style here....what's you name??
j: hay-sus, sir
christian: what?
J: hay sus sir, it';s spelled j-e-s-u-s, like jesus, but it's pronounced HAY-SUS...
christian: don't blashpheme his name, fella...what JEEEE-SUS?? what a name???if you blaspheme his name again, i'll kill you.
i'm dead serious.

(END SCENE 2)

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SCENE 3: THE GUN GOES OFF

Narrator:
Magdalenacleans houss. she's not a prostitute.
one day, at her best client's house, she discovers a box of cash .
tempted, she takes some money. later she discusses it with jesus dude at home.
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Magdalena:
song:
are you poor are you in need? how can you have the blues??
over there sits a little baby crying; she has no food to eat....
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Narrator:
one day, cleaning house, magdalena is caught stealing money, by her client's husband....he beats her, calls the cops. they take her, beat and brutalize her."where is that jesus dude??"
does she tell or not? either way, they dump her on the sidewalk, they don't want any record of this....so they don't arrest her.

Jesus:
cops/christian discuss jesus:
how did he get like this?
i don't know, maybe his grandmother was a socialist...something...anarchist....haymarket riots, sacco and venzetti....they infused generations with progressive ideas....and now it comes to this, this jesus dude.
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Author:
mmm
jesus may have to have a loaded gun in the first scene.
Magdalena: jesus
"you mean you never even fired your gun?"
Jesus:
he had had a run in with the cops, maybe with that christian guy.
he worked as a waiter, got in an argument with the customer., the cusotmer crticized the chili, which dude had made. they they got in a fight over his name, jesus....dude pulled a gun on the christian. cops were called. dude was hiding out.)

Narrator:
that would violate
chekhov's first dramatic rule: having introduced a loaded gun in act 1, the curtain can not come down until it is fired. he might miss but the gun must be fired.
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Jesus:
jesus the waiter. magdalena beat by cops.
he hates that christian, who says " hay sus" don't blaspheme the name jeee-sus.......
dude goes off on a rant:

NOW HEAR THIS: GOD TALKS TO ME IN ITALIAN! I CAN WALK ON WATER!
MY GRANDFATHER WAS FROM CUBA!!......
BLASPHEMY????BLASPHEMY???

don't blaspheme the name

JEEE-KERS CROWE!

JEEEESE- LOU - EEESE!!!!


POLLY WANNA CRACKER!!


i shoot the gun.....
or the gun is fired
but, by whom???

MAGDALENA!!!!!!!

Narrator:
the christian minister just caught magdalena stealing.
he pulls a gun on her. she screams when he grabs her arm.
Magdalena: aaaaHHHHHHH!!!!
Narrator: he looks down ashamed.
magdalenda: oh, baby
minister: i jizzed
magdalena: i'm smiling.
well, the gun finally did go off.


THE END









(MORE NOTES FOR LATER

OPENING SCENE
jesus iswalking on the water. a young jesus??

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conversation among restaurant customers/ christian

real estate....have you seen the latest best sellers on ebays realestate section? i should post some of that dead scrub land out back on my property......what fool would buy a patch of unwatered, unsewered wetland with no road access???look at ebay....there are thousands of lots for sale.....no water, no roads...the next big suburban development in arkansas.....is that christian of me, to want to make money, to take it from non believers, so i can help build up this church??

it sounds like old fashioned commerce to me.....

don't forget, you're not to blame, in real estate it's always" buyer beware"...you know, go out and "kick the tires" before you put you rmoney down....some people, especially these easterners, they just have money to burn.it's kind of sad, and it must be gods way, but these people have so much money but they can't buy a home back east...they have to come out here, invest in some landgrab....

hey, i'm getting hungry...let's all join hands and say a prayer....

christian: hey waiter, what do you recommend?
jesus: the free range beef chili. with chocolate and rosemary. it's thick, with lots of meat, not too many beans, a little spicy
christian: i'll have that......

(a little while later:
jesus/waiter: how was the chili, sir?
christian: (his face red) well....it wasn't thick.....there wasn't a lot of meat.....there were too many beans......and the portions???well they were small, but i know you have that bistro style here...
waiter, what's your name, son?
jesus: HAY-SUS, sir
christ: what's that?
jesus: HAY- SUS....
christ; how do you spell that?
jesus" j-e-s-u-s,
christ:j-e- that's JEEE-SUS,boy!
jesus: yes sir, i'm jeeeee-sus -DUDE!!!!THAT'S WhaT THEY CALL ME!!
christ: why, that's blasphemy!!!
jesus: it's hay-sus....
christ: DON'T BLASPHEME.....HIS NAME IS JEEE-SUS, YOU CAN'T TAKE HIS NAME....
I'LL KILL YOU....YOU'LL BE DEAD MEAT!!!
(he reaches for jesus; they struggle, jesus grabs a gun???? maybe from the ministers holster...he raises it. waves it around:
jesus: NOW HEAR THIS! GOD TALKS TO ME IN ITALIAN.....I WALK ON WATER....MY GRANDFATHER WAS FROM CUBA.....BLASPHEMY? BLASPHEMY? I CAN SAY IT IN FRENCH "JEEEEESE-LOUUU-EEEEESE".....I CAN SAY IT IN PLAIN OLD AMERICAN EEEEN-GLEEESE "JEEEEEE-KERS CROW!!!!!!!"
(some of the other employees hustle him off; other staff have already been restraining the minister, christian)

(christ calls the police chief, his friend, on the cell phone:)
christ: hi charlie.....youwon't believe what just happened.....his name was hay-sus, hay -sus dude...you know him?? those hippies have been holding onto that waterfront parcel for 30 years...it would be a great idea....yes, i know the church could use that land to expand.....ok i'll be right over)

CHRIST. THE MINISTER:
chief, there has been a special relationship between the church and the city government here for over 30 years, ever since my father first served as both minister and police chief.....
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