50/50 school for crime skit

NARRATOR:
late nights, we visit the LAST STOP bar.
we were child prodigies
child entertainers.

we are all the same. we learned to live too quick. now we can't go back.
we spend most nights at the last stop.
but what DOOO WEEEE DOOOO?
____________________
narr: chatter at bar.

dupree: it's a coin flip......fifty...fifty.
that poor horse, barbaro.
spanky: in another time, if her were another horse, he would have been
PUT DOWN
YOUTH A NIZED
right there, att he track!
dupree: but he's still worth a lot of money, as a breeder, a stallion.

the horse was bred.....born.....to run. what can he do, now that he can't run??/
just sniff around, and breed.
he's a child prodigy, just like us!!!

spanky; yup...just sitting around the bar....sniffing.......
we all had legs at one time, legs to run with.

delia: when i was 8....my art was displayed in the state house, i met the governor.
dupree:at 17, i was sent to washington dc....i shook the president's hand. the local paper swore that i, too, would be president one day.
spanky; i was a child actor. by age 12 i had won a tony award for my role in a broadway play.


delia; for some of us, they just should have flipped a coin.
when i got screwed up....fifty/fifty....should i live/???? or die????

dupree: those bastards!!!!
that's why we're here..... and now, we'll outlive 'em all.
spanky:
that poor horse. i saw the race, saturday, the preakness.
i had $20 on barbaro to win, place or show.
delia; where did you bet?
spanky: i would never go down there, by myself. i had my boyfriend go there, to the
O T B
3 of us placed bets.
i would never go down there to the O T B ...but my boyfriend, he's done it before.
___________________________

narrator:
is there a university of the streets? a school of crime???
dupree: she enters a magazine store.
peruses several racks.
don't take too long.
drop 3 magazines into your purse, maybe buy some gum.
leave quickly , without alarm.

delia:in the gourmet market, buy one item. always buy something.pocket the exoensive sliced prosciutto, or a nice cheese. pay for the loaf of bread. a big, long baguette.

spanky; vasil, my boyfriend. was from ukraine./the new ukraine, that wild west state of post gorbachev russia
...he taught me alot.
when he first arrived, he was hired as a building super. his new boss took him ot home depot to buy some tools.
at the car, after shopping, vasil proudly showed off his wares: over $1,000 of tools lined his jacket and pokcets

delia;this is the biggest scam of all. we sit here all night long. some of us write it off as a loss. to deduct from our residual income as actors. we are actually working here. i have to watch a lot of tv, to keep track of how many times commercials are run.....
dupree: delia, we don't have TO DO anything. we all draw a few dollars each a week

spanky;
hey you know what?
chinatown is now what you think....there are no takelout menu's
in chinatown.
the gamble all day. they use knives.
that is the real school of crime.
____________________-
dupree: i know a petty crime.
spanky says she'll never date a guy who's a vegetarian. unless he'll go into whole foods, take a tray of brown rice sushi from the counter, and eat it without paying, while he pretends to shop for groceries. you can eat a whole lunch, just walking around that store....

delia: should he be ashamed?not if his grandfather didn't found the klondike bar, or anyother great american food processing company....
dupree: you don't call them rich people here......
delia; what do you call them?
dupree: you call them WORTHY