coney island romance
Intro:
narrator:
my life is a coney island side show. last weekend, this stage-
yes, this stage right here -
taps stage floor with shoe -
hosted a lesbo sex show for a batchelor party.lots of condoms and dildo's.
the other night, there was a burlesque show.....8 dancers this time
sean:
before my wedding , instead of a batchelorette party, i want an orgy.
I want to invite everyone i've ever wanted to sleep with.
anne: well, i wish you would invite bobby. he is so fragile about relationships. he needs to be led into an orgy by a close friend, blindfolded, then left to enjoy himself and have some fun, without thinking about who he's been with. at the end of it, his friend will safely lead him out.
narrator:
ann is very outgoing. i told her i write monthly short plays. she wants a part in one. would she make out with bobby, if i cast them together?
would bobby make out with her, if i cast them together??
____________________________
bobby:
bobby is taking the kids to coney island. it's quite a journey by subway. over the east river, overland across brooklyn.
coney island has that last stop, this is the last stop on the subway, feel.
after a day of nathan's hot dogs, playing with the kids on the beach, ice cream, kiddie rides, we settled down to a cold beer -
very cold brooklyn lager, on ice -
at ruby's coney island bar and grill.
the kids had lollipops and ran around. we listened to the old time doo wop songs on the juke box. of course we would never leave. or i would never leave.
sean: if you have one more beer, you'll never leave, and you'll end up like her.
narrator:
rita walked over to our group. she had already gotten friendly with one of the mom's.
we groaned. she walked away. then walked over again, this time , she talked to bobby.
rita: you're gorgeous. .....i know.... i know you....
you're on the soprano's....aren't you?
that's it??/
bobby: goin with it.
dance for us, rita.
rita: oh, i can dance.....but with my clothes off.
bobby: a few more beers i could end up in a romance with rita.
i thought i could.....should.....would just slip away for a little while.
but i learned that in new york, if you miss a day, it's ok, but if you miss a week, people learn real fast how to work with your replacement.
so go away, vanish, nobody will look for you, unless:
you die a sensational death.
child hit by a car.
spaulding gray, jumps off the ferry, his body washes up 4 weeks later.
can't just fade away. or you will be forgotten.
narrator:
bobby walked to the bathroom. still at ruby's bar and grill.
he thought rita would follow him. he knew, he could smell it, she needed money. he had a few dollars left.
bobby:
if i spend all my money, i will never leave.
rita: do you think i'm pretty?
bobby:
are you the kind of girl who only wants to make out in public?
rita; i'm very special. i would never say that i'm a modest molly.
they dance together. dance moves: they sing: should we? could we? would we??
bobby: making lunch. can i eat the cucumber skin?
rita; it depends on where it has been.
bobby
: if i spend all my money, if i have one more
beer, i will end up like you,
] i will never leave.
how could i ever get out of here?
i washed my feet, coming off the beach, at the women's area...
the older, female worker called me on this:
into my face, rough, survivor:
worker:this is for the children. the adults are on the other side.
mason: these are my children.
worker: still in your face. i have children too. that's why i'm here, to protect them.
mason: i listen, without backing down.
Narrator:
as we walked off the beach: another summer of youth, some black teenagers, playful. the boy tugged her bikini bottom down. she knew the drill: drop fast into the water, pull it back up. both girl and boy, make a lot of noise.
on the sand, older spanish teens, the boys singing along, serenading the girls, bonding with each other, fun playful summer latin music.
bobby:
i like it here. this coney island/
i grew up on beaches like this. in fact, my father brought my mother to a similar salty old sailor's bar on their first date. to test her? no, just to have fun. i think she had fun too, or maybe she was just polite.
whatever he was, before she would marry him, my mother made him sell his store and get a company job, a phone company job. circa 1960.,
my father would have liked this coney island bar.
earlier at nathan's, the bum had said"save me some of your food' i did that. we left [parts of 2 hot dogs on top of the garbage, i motioned to the old man: there's some hot dogs for you.
__________________
girl:coney island stories:
the other day i realized how different life would be if i were 1 foot taller.
i stepped on a box, stood apart and above my social goup. survey the surroundings. good bye kisses, salutations, and the like. it was all more relaxed and detached from "up there". next time you're in a pinch, step on a box, look around, and smile.
__________________
rita:
ok ok maybe i can fall in love??
study today in the post: if you date 9 people, you will find a mate.
statistical sample.
date more, you risk wasting too much time, missing out on the right person. don't sleep with them until you love them; otherwise the act will make you feel in love and you'll waste time with the wrong person. also, don't take the pill until you are already in love, otherwise you will be attracted to the opposite of what you really need.
wow!!smell. smell. smell. that's what it comes down to.
______________
anne:
i must be the only person i know who likes waiting for the bus at night. i like the bus ride, around midnight. unwind, visual panorama of city streets, just fall asleep, and then suddenly it's my stop.
_____________
HOST:
WELCOME TO THE SIDESHOW!!!
here we have a wall of nicknames.
call out a name.
skippy, sergei, willy, tiger, boobye.
boobye???
pet person pet person
no, both??
_____________
more romance;
girl:when you're a girl, you think differently
girl:how many times have you dated?
oh about 7 or 8. when you're a girl you think differently, after a number of dates, you start to think about it....do i call him my boyfriend?
when you're a girl, you ask questions like that.
guy:
what makes a woman hot?
what kind of underwear do you waer?
i have to know.
narrator:
guy dancing in whole foods. vegetable department. imagine him walking up to a woman, and pattting her pussy with a bunch of asparagus. or celery. or a yellow squash.????
yes it's spring.
would that turn her on?
narrator:
that girl. she had been to bellevue. flirt with her. she'll be ok. just don't leave her alone. she's just one of those girls. just don't leave her alone. just don't leave her alone.
bobby:
what does she want?
girl:
she grabs a bunch of asparagus......i want it like this!!!!! thrusting the asparagus at her pussy.
bobby:
i must be passed out, dreaming.
still at the coney island ruby's bar and grill.
where is rita?
________
rita works at the restaurant. she calls the sausages "hoooo haaaaas"
rita: we need some hooo-haaas.
bobby:
yes we need some whoo-aaares ...he pronounces it like whores.
now rita comes over;
rita: now bobby
, i will say it properly. hooo haaaas. i want an order.
anne:romace title: half empty,half full.
anatomy of a romance scene:
she's humping.
lots of tongue ing.
running.
girl: no rubbing!
anne: she says: are you really going to write a scene for me and bobby??
with tongue ing, and rubbing, and lots of humping.
author: yeah, humping......we haven't had any humping
girl:
i veto humping!!!
_____________________
narrator:
on the bus:
i see these funny looking men on the bus. 1900 hats and such. black, black hats. i wish i were more naive. wish i didn't have to know who they were, so i could go up to them, like a child, and say: are you a satmar? or a hasidim?
would that be ok, because i really don't know.
one comic recently:
if these people are following the word of god and haven't changed in 5 or 6,000 years: the question is: why are they dressed like it's 1900???
____________________
girl:
wake up bobby!
wake up bobby!!!
it's time to go.
bobby:
onstage scare tactic:
as i'm talking with the girls, i pick up a water bottles, squirt it at the girls.
SURPRISE!!!
anne; now bobby starts to dance with me. we kiss.
oh no!!!!! bobby slips , falls, hits his head, and passes out.
SOMEONE CALL 9 - 1---- 1 !!!!
BOBBY:
he dreams: he is cooking with julia child. he is holding a bunch of asparagus.
he drops the asparagus.
julia child says: remember the 2 second rule: if it drops on the floor, it's ok to pick it up and cook with it if it's been there for 2 seconds or less.
girls: that boy is so fragile. he needs to be lead into an orgy by a close friend, blindfolded. let him have some fun, still holding his friend's hand.
bobby: julia child, will you be my special friend???
_______________________________
narrator:
this is all a side show. all these things have happened.
anne: let's cook some hooo - haaaas!!!!
THE END
narrator:
my life is a coney island side show. last weekend, this stage-
yes, this stage right here -
taps stage floor with shoe -
hosted a lesbo sex show for a batchelor party.lots of condoms and dildo's.
the other night, there was a burlesque show.....8 dancers this time
sean:
before my wedding , instead of a batchelorette party, i want an orgy.
I want to invite everyone i've ever wanted to sleep with.
anne: well, i wish you would invite bobby. he is so fragile about relationships. he needs to be led into an orgy by a close friend, blindfolded, then left to enjoy himself and have some fun, without thinking about who he's been with. at the end of it, his friend will safely lead him out.
narrator:
ann is very outgoing. i told her i write monthly short plays. she wants a part in one. would she make out with bobby, if i cast them together?
would bobby make out with her, if i cast them together??
____________________________
bobby:
bobby is taking the kids to coney island. it's quite a journey by subway. over the east river, overland across brooklyn.
coney island has that last stop, this is the last stop on the subway, feel.
after a day of nathan's hot dogs, playing with the kids on the beach, ice cream, kiddie rides, we settled down to a cold beer -
very cold brooklyn lager, on ice -
at ruby's coney island bar and grill.
the kids had lollipops and ran around. we listened to the old time doo wop songs on the juke box. of course we would never leave. or i would never leave.
sean: if you have one more beer, you'll never leave, and you'll end up like her.
narrator:
rita walked over to our group. she had already gotten friendly with one of the mom's.
we groaned. she walked away. then walked over again, this time , she talked to bobby.
rita: you're gorgeous. .....i know.... i know you....
you're on the soprano's....aren't you?
that's it??/
bobby: goin with it.
dance for us, rita.
rita: oh, i can dance.....but with my clothes off.
bobby: a few more beers i could end up in a romance with rita.
i thought i could.....should.....would just slip away for a little while.
but i learned that in new york, if you miss a day, it's ok, but if you miss a week, people learn real fast how to work with your replacement.
so go away, vanish, nobody will look for you, unless:
you die a sensational death.
child hit by a car.
spaulding gray, jumps off the ferry, his body washes up 4 weeks later.
can't just fade away. or you will be forgotten.
narrator:
bobby walked to the bathroom. still at ruby's bar and grill.
he thought rita would follow him. he knew, he could smell it, she needed money. he had a few dollars left.
bobby:
if i spend all my money, i will never leave.
rita: do you think i'm pretty?
bobby:
are you the kind of girl who only wants to make out in public?
rita; i'm very special. i would never say that i'm a modest molly.
they dance together. dance moves: they sing: should we? could we? would we??
bobby: making lunch. can i eat the cucumber skin?
rita; it depends on where it has been.
bobby
: if i spend all my money, if i have one more
beer, i will end up like you,
] i will never leave.
how could i ever get out of here?
i washed my feet, coming off the beach, at the women's area...
the older, female worker called me on this:
into my face, rough, survivor:
worker:this is for the children. the adults are on the other side.
mason: these are my children.
worker: still in your face. i have children too. that's why i'm here, to protect them.
mason: i listen, without backing down.
Narrator:
as we walked off the beach: another summer of youth, some black teenagers, playful. the boy tugged her bikini bottom down. she knew the drill: drop fast into the water, pull it back up. both girl and boy, make a lot of noise.
on the sand, older spanish teens, the boys singing along, serenading the girls, bonding with each other, fun playful summer latin music.
bobby:
i like it here. this coney island/
i grew up on beaches like this. in fact, my father brought my mother to a similar salty old sailor's bar on their first date. to test her? no, just to have fun. i think she had fun too, or maybe she was just polite.
whatever he was, before she would marry him, my mother made him sell his store and get a company job, a phone company job. circa 1960.,
my father would have liked this coney island bar.
earlier at nathan's, the bum had said"save me some of your food' i did that. we left [parts of 2 hot dogs on top of the garbage, i motioned to the old man: there's some hot dogs for you.
__________________
girl:coney island stories:
the other day i realized how different life would be if i were 1 foot taller.
i stepped on a box, stood apart and above my social goup. survey the surroundings. good bye kisses, salutations, and the like. it was all more relaxed and detached from "up there". next time you're in a pinch, step on a box, look around, and smile.
__________________
rita:
ok ok maybe i can fall in love??
study today in the post: if you date 9 people, you will find a mate.
statistical sample.
date more, you risk wasting too much time, missing out on the right person. don't sleep with them until you love them; otherwise the act will make you feel in love and you'll waste time with the wrong person. also, don't take the pill until you are already in love, otherwise you will be attracted to the opposite of what you really need.
wow!!smell. smell. smell. that's what it comes down to.
______________
anne:
i must be the only person i know who likes waiting for the bus at night. i like the bus ride, around midnight. unwind, visual panorama of city streets, just fall asleep, and then suddenly it's my stop.
_____________
HOST:
WELCOME TO THE SIDESHOW!!!
here we have a wall of nicknames.
call out a name.
skippy, sergei, willy, tiger, boobye.
boobye???
pet person pet person
no, both??
_____________
more romance;
girl:when you're a girl, you think differently
girl:how many times have you dated?
oh about 7 or 8. when you're a girl you think differently, after a number of dates, you start to think about it....do i call him my boyfriend?
when you're a girl, you ask questions like that.
guy:
what makes a woman hot?
what kind of underwear do you waer?
i have to know.
narrator:
guy dancing in whole foods. vegetable department. imagine him walking up to a woman, and pattting her pussy with a bunch of asparagus. or celery. or a yellow squash.????
yes it's spring.
would that turn her on?
narrator:
that girl. she had been to bellevue. flirt with her. she'll be ok. just don't leave her alone. she's just one of those girls. just don't leave her alone. just don't leave her alone.
bobby:
what does she want?
girl:
she grabs a bunch of asparagus......i want it like this!!!!! thrusting the asparagus at her pussy.
bobby:
i must be passed out, dreaming.
still at the coney island ruby's bar and grill.
where is rita?
________
rita works at the restaurant. she calls the sausages "hoooo haaaaas"
rita: we need some hooo-haaas.
bobby:
yes we need some whoo-aaares ...he pronounces it like whores.
now rita comes over;
rita: now bobby
, i will say it properly. hooo haaaas. i want an order.
anne:romace title: half empty,half full.
anatomy of a romance scene:
she's humping.
lots of tongue ing.
running.
girl: no rubbing!
anne: she says: are you really going to write a scene for me and bobby??
with tongue ing, and rubbing, and lots of humping.
author: yeah, humping......we haven't had any humping
girl:
i veto humping!!!
_____________________
narrator:
on the bus:
i see these funny looking men on the bus. 1900 hats and such. black, black hats. i wish i were more naive. wish i didn't have to know who they were, so i could go up to them, like a child, and say: are you a satmar? or a hasidim?
would that be ok, because i really don't know.
one comic recently:
if these people are following the word of god and haven't changed in 5 or 6,000 years: the question is: why are they dressed like it's 1900???
____________________
girl:
wake up bobby!
wake up bobby!!!
it's time to go.
bobby:
onstage scare tactic:
as i'm talking with the girls, i pick up a water bottles, squirt it at the girls.
SURPRISE!!!
anne; now bobby starts to dance with me. we kiss.
oh no!!!!! bobby slips , falls, hits his head, and passes out.
SOMEONE CALL 9 - 1---- 1 !!!!
BOBBY:
he dreams: he is cooking with julia child. he is holding a bunch of asparagus.
he drops the asparagus.
julia child says: remember the 2 second rule: if it drops on the floor, it's ok to pick it up and cook with it if it's been there for 2 seconds or less.
girls: that boy is so fragile. he needs to be lead into an orgy by a close friend, blindfolded. let him have some fun, still holding his friend's hand.
bobby: julia child, will you be my special friend???
_______________________________
narrator:
this is all a side show. all these things have happened.
anne: let's cook some hooo - haaaas!!!!
THE END
posted by jimmypotsandpans | 1:46 PM
1 Comments:
we performed this short sketch tuesday june 20th at jimmy's small stage, east village.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home