the funeral
it's amazing how they make up dead people. just a week ago, my father in law was lying on a bed in a nursing home in seminole florida. just south of tampa.
we flew down to see him, knowing death DEATH was imminent.
no food for over a week, medicated so he wouldn't get ornery. he had survived a state funded medicated planned death. to the amazement of the nurses, he somehow was the longest tenured patient in the facility.
"he's made it a lot longer than the norm. most folk come in to die. he was brought in, and lived."
three years and counting.
part of the thriving health care,or, dying industry.
i'm a little distant from all of this because he wasn't my father. at the same time, i've been a spectator to it all.....estates, second wives, he was 85.
questions like:
why did he have to move to florida? why did he have to stay in florida? why couldn't he be moved back to new jersey? why haven't you visited him? why doesn't his (2nd ) wife care for him? why did he buy his 2nd wife a new house so her grown daughter could live with them? why
did he get sick right after moving into this house?
why did our mother die 15 years ago, so suddenly and unexpectdly, at age 66?
wouldn't this all be different if she were still alive?
____________________________
(that was last week.
now it's this week. after he dies.)
it's amazing how they make up dead people.
he almost looks like gerald ford. stately, light blue jacket, red tie, american flag poised above the coffin.
his cousin, bill holcombe. well known musician, age 83.
"what is the schedule tomorrow. for the funeral. "
"i would like to play amzing grace on the saxophone, as i played it on flute when joan (his wife) had died."
"i'll have to ask."
"big brother, how would you feel if bill holcombe played at the gravesite?"
"i don't know about that...hesitant...i'll have to ask ...mywife"
"bill, i asked and he's not sure."
"i knew he'd say no. his wife doesn;'t like me."
he got to play, and after the funeral ,people who hadn't talked to him said"if you come up to boston, we'll take you out for dinner."
bill replied"ok"
"we'll take you the best restaurant in boston."
(i'm thinking. what's the best restaurant in boston called?"
bill says"what's its called"
the man pauses, stunned by the direct question from this 83 year old man. o0bviosuly NO FOOL.
"ob 23" he says.
the conversation stops. i guess he just wanted to talk to some old fool, to make himself feel like he was being a nice guy,
but bill holcombe is no old fool.
check out www.billholcombe.com
bill is a well known arranger and composer, for big bands and orchestras.
he attended the univ of penn in 1941...after ww2, he worked in nyc for tommy dorsey's big band, as saxophonist and staff arranger.....
1960's, wrote for the recording orchestra 101 strings (my parents had some of those albums) by day, played in broadway musicals by night.
1970's, played with burt bacharach.
he always had a stutter. he is still married ,with 5 or 6 grown children....
___________________
it was made clear to me a few days before the funeral , that
i would be one of the ushers
and
i would need to wear a white shirt and a tie.a white shirt that could button the neck.
both of which i didn't own.
my wife bought me a gray tie, banana republic. on the way to the funeral, i bought a white shirt at banana as well.
"i need a dress white shirt. but it needs an extra wide neck. i usually buy extra large shirts here, but i need something with a bigger neck..."
"the extra large is the biggest size we have, sir>"
(i'm always "sir" now.)
ok i';ll take it.
i'm in trouble now. i won't be able to button the collar of my white shirt.....
_____
the morning of the funeral, i struggled with my outfit. i also cut myself shaving. blood ran down my neck. i couldn't button the collar of my shirt, the tie was too short, blood stained the collar...
later my wife laughed about the blood.
i thought blood at a catholic funeral would be cool.
look honey,i'm just like jesus.'
afterwards, i'll save and frame the damned shirt, like curt shilling's bloodied sock from the 2004 world series....
_____________
in the church:
the priest began:
when you are born'/
you have no way of knowing/
where you'll live,/
who your friends will be,/
what job you'll have...../
the only that is certain is DEATH...
i zone out.
time for prayers:
our father
hail mary'
'
the complete mass
i know it all by heart.
18 years x 52 weeks plus = 1,000 times i have recited these pryaers, sat through this mass.....
as i say the prayers, i go into a trance,
'
did you ever see the original manchurian candidate, with frank sinatra??
he was brainwashed, so when he saw a certain presidential candidate,he would switch into killing mode.
as i recited the prayers, my pride returned, my head swelled, oh look at me, i know all the pryaers, even the priests lines.....
1,000 repetitons over 18 years....
i go into a trance.
i will kill. i will go to war. i will do anything, for you lord.
this not so subtle brainwashing.....
i collapse.
'it took me 10 years in nyc to break the control that those prayers had over me. all it took was one church service, one repetition to make me tremble.
i had been bad., i had not been to church in over...20 ...years.....
i am a robot. i will do anything.....i will say my prayers.
i will join the army.i will give all my money to the church. i will never have sex until i am married....i will go to church every week. i will cross myself everytime i pass the altar.
'if you need an usher or altar boy, i am here to serve.....
yes father. iwill serve. i will serve.....
_______________
meanwhile
the kids, 4, 6, and 8
had been kneeling at the coffin, in the funeral home.
their grandpa, the big d. they laugh, touch his made up face.
"why are his legs covered?"
"his hands are cold"
"don't touch his face, kids. his make up will come off"
"make up?'
"yes just last week he was very sick. he didn't look this good"
"he almost looks like gerald ford."
"his body is dead.
he will go to the cemetary. it's kind of like the junk yard in the movie cars. but his dreams, mind will live on....."
____________________
we flew down to see him, knowing death DEATH was imminent.
no food for over a week, medicated so he wouldn't get ornery. he had survived a state funded medicated planned death. to the amazement of the nurses, he somehow was the longest tenured patient in the facility.
"he's made it a lot longer than the norm. most folk come in to die. he was brought in, and lived."
three years and counting.
part of the thriving health care,or, dying industry.
i'm a little distant from all of this because he wasn't my father. at the same time, i've been a spectator to it all.....estates, second wives, he was 85.
questions like:
why did he have to move to florida? why did he have to stay in florida? why couldn't he be moved back to new jersey? why haven't you visited him? why doesn't his (2nd ) wife care for him? why did he buy his 2nd wife a new house so her grown daughter could live with them? why
did he get sick right after moving into this house?
why did our mother die 15 years ago, so suddenly and unexpectdly, at age 66?
wouldn't this all be different if she were still alive?
____________________________
(that was last week.
now it's this week. after he dies.)
it's amazing how they make up dead people.
he almost looks like gerald ford. stately, light blue jacket, red tie, american flag poised above the coffin.
his cousin, bill holcombe. well known musician, age 83.
"what is the schedule tomorrow. for the funeral. "
"i would like to play amzing grace on the saxophone, as i played it on flute when joan (his wife) had died."
"i'll have to ask."
"big brother, how would you feel if bill holcombe played at the gravesite?"
"i don't know about that...hesitant...i'll have to ask ...mywife"
"bill, i asked and he's not sure."
"i knew he'd say no. his wife doesn;'t like me."
he got to play, and after the funeral ,people who hadn't talked to him said"if you come up to boston, we'll take you out for dinner."
bill replied"ok"
"we'll take you the best restaurant in boston."
(i'm thinking. what's the best restaurant in boston called?"
bill says"what's its called"
the man pauses, stunned by the direct question from this 83 year old man. o0bviosuly NO FOOL.
"ob 23" he says.
the conversation stops. i guess he just wanted to talk to some old fool, to make himself feel like he was being a nice guy,
but bill holcombe is no old fool.
check out www.billholcombe.com
bill is a well known arranger and composer, for big bands and orchestras.
he attended the univ of penn in 1941...after ww2, he worked in nyc for tommy dorsey's big band, as saxophonist and staff arranger.....
1960's, wrote for the recording orchestra 101 strings (my parents had some of those albums) by day, played in broadway musicals by night.
1970's, played with burt bacharach.
he always had a stutter. he is still married ,with 5 or 6 grown children....
___________________
it was made clear to me a few days before the funeral , that
i would be one of the ushers
and
i would need to wear a white shirt and a tie.a white shirt that could button the neck.
both of which i didn't own.
my wife bought me a gray tie, banana republic. on the way to the funeral, i bought a white shirt at banana as well.
"i need a dress white shirt. but it needs an extra wide neck. i usually buy extra large shirts here, but i need something with a bigger neck..."
"the extra large is the biggest size we have, sir>"
(i'm always "sir" now.)
ok i';ll take it.
i'm in trouble now. i won't be able to button the collar of my white shirt.....
_____
the morning of the funeral, i struggled with my outfit. i also cut myself shaving. blood ran down my neck. i couldn't button the collar of my shirt, the tie was too short, blood stained the collar...
later my wife laughed about the blood.
i thought blood at a catholic funeral would be cool.
look honey,i'm just like jesus.'
afterwards, i'll save and frame the damned shirt, like curt shilling's bloodied sock from the 2004 world series....
_____________
in the church:
the priest began:
when you are born'/
you have no way of knowing/
where you'll live,/
who your friends will be,/
what job you'll have...../
the only that is certain is DEATH...
i zone out.
time for prayers:
our father
hail mary'
'
the complete mass
i know it all by heart.
18 years x 52 weeks plus = 1,000 times i have recited these pryaers, sat through this mass.....
as i say the prayers, i go into a trance,
'
did you ever see the original manchurian candidate, with frank sinatra??
he was brainwashed, so when he saw a certain presidential candidate,he would switch into killing mode.
as i recited the prayers, my pride returned, my head swelled, oh look at me, i know all the pryaers, even the priests lines.....
1,000 repetitons over 18 years....
i go into a trance.
i will kill. i will go to war. i will do anything, for you lord.
this not so subtle brainwashing.....
i collapse.
'it took me 10 years in nyc to break the control that those prayers had over me. all it took was one church service, one repetition to make me tremble.
i had been bad., i had not been to church in over...20 ...years.....
i am a robot. i will do anything.....i will say my prayers.
i will join the army.i will give all my money to the church. i will never have sex until i am married....i will go to church every week. i will cross myself everytime i pass the altar.
'if you need an usher or altar boy, i am here to serve.....
yes father. iwill serve. i will serve.....
_______________
meanwhile
the kids, 4, 6, and 8
had been kneeling at the coffin, in the funeral home.
their grandpa, the big d. they laugh, touch his made up face.
"why are his legs covered?"
"his hands are cold"
"don't touch his face, kids. his make up will come off"
"make up?'
"yes just last week he was very sick. he didn't look this good"
"he almost looks like gerald ford."
"his body is dead.
he will go to the cemetary. it's kind of like the junk yard in the movie cars. but his dreams, mind will live on....."
____________________
posted by jimmypotsandpans | 1:34 PM
|
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